Chapter 6: Regrets

Samantha stares at a blank TV screen, the blue light bounces off her face. It is in these moments that she wonders what life is about. She wonders what she is doing here. It's been 3 long years and it hasn't gotten any easier. Under the glow of a television set she thinks about life. She thinks about what it could have been like, what it should have been like. She should have gone to school for something a little bit more practical than fashion design. She should have moved out to the glitzy west coast when she had the chance. She should have been by her fragile grandma's side those last few days. Mostly she should have said "I love you" to him long before he walked out on her. 

It's 8:25 on a saturday evening. Samantha sits alone at a table for two gazing into her raspberry mocha. Her first contact with anyone, on this typical saturday, came when the barista asked her if she'd prefer 1 or 2 espresso shots. Samantha chose 1 today; she doesn't need to stay up late tonight for anyone. There hasn't been anyone worth staying up late for since her split from Jacob. There have been a few boys here and there, even a few blind dates, but none have appealed to her. Samantha is wearing a light blue shirt skirt when a breeze hits her leg, sending a chill up her thigh to her chest. Its moments like this that make her feel like she's still alive. They make her yearn for the touch of a lover but she knows thats not much of an option tonight. She would settle though for a hello from someone at the coffee shop. Or maybe a smile from a cute boy walking by on the sidewalk. Right now is when she feels her loneliest, like she has no one around her. Tonight after she rolls into bed, and stares at her freshly shaven legs as they poke out of the boxers she's been wearing as pajama shorts for the last 2 years, she'll begin to wonder how much longer she can go on.